Lesson #38: Think Win-Win

Having referred to Stephen Covey’s The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People in yesterday’s lesson I decided to pick up the book to see what jumped out. Before I even looked at it though the lesson that most stood out from reading the book long ago was the principle of ‘Win-Win’.

The idea that things need to be Win-Win feels obvious .. but as I write this, I realise this requires an honouring of myself and letting go of situations where perhaps the other person benefits to my detriment ie Lose/Win. The Lose/Win pattern is people-pleasing pattern I am too familiar with — wanting the other person to be happy regardless of the cost to me. This could be viewed as a co-dependent pattern where my ‘feeling helpful’ appears as a benefit, but comes at the cost of my time, energy, money or self respect.

A real life scenario

Right now I have a situation that is pushing me to examine ‘what would a Win/Win look like’. I have been running a mastermind group of three people in my hometown for 6.5 years. Over that time we have all been through a lot and developed a deep connection. The relationship aspect of the group is really important to me. But the intention of the group was that we were each working on a project. The other two people have consistently used the group to focus on their project with some success and progress. My project was initially to create the first Cloudscape sculpture. However, this was a major leap I wasn’t really ready for. So my journey has been one of developing friendships, self love, business skills, confidence, creative projects, streams of income and most of all, clarity. The group has been a great support on my journey. But when I think it terms of Win/Win in terms of where I am at right now, it feels more like being stuck than moving forward. Something needs to change for it to feel like a Win/Win.

Win/Win or No Deal

We will meet tomorrow and I intend to approach discussions around how to move forward. The book states:

“If you can’t reach a true Win/Win, you’re very often better off to go for No Deal”.

Practice courage and consideration

Practicing the balance between courage and consideration, and in this case for me particularly courage, I am determined to create a framework that feels inspiring for all of us, which right now feels like it must involve dismantling the current framework and starting afresh. After all, I’ve been taking big actions to transform myself and my life, and right now I feel like this group is built around the ‘old me’. The ‘old me’ didn’t care about my own needs (minimised these) or desires (didn’t even think I even had any) and in fact avoided people altogether because it was always a Lose/Win scenario given I had something to give but nothing to gain.

Respect yourself

So, Win/Win or No Deal, let’s give ourselves the respect we deserve (I’m speaking to the people pleasers here). Get in touch with your own needs and desires, and take a stand for yourself in a way that also benefits others.

Finding the Win/Win may require you to explore what it is that you really want, and then have the courage to speak up for that. What would a Win look (or feel) like for you?

Let’s strive for Win/Win where we lift ourselves and each other up.

Together we rise!