Lesson #41: Keep moving
It feels a bit premature to be writing this right now .. because I have a lot of big feelings coming up as I push forward against fear and doubt and the thoughts that pull me into a state of overwhelm and inaction.*
But unlike the past when I might have sunk into a pit of despair and come up with a hundred ideas for why I should give up and go back to what I’ve almost done, I now get to use these feelings as fuel .. to breathe into, accept, and even love the feelings. After years of recognising and understanding my old patterns and beliefs, these can no longer be hijacked by the feelings as they once would have. I can see my current sense of constriction and panic as the wall that comes up to keep me in my old ways of being. Staying ‘present with an open heart’ (see Lesson 39) I can take the next step, and then the next, and move through this wall of limitation and ‘the way things have been’ and move through into an expanded life and reality.
I’ve been seeing this experience as akin to the adventures of Morrigan in the book series Nevermoor, where certain alleys present all sorts of defences and tricks to make you want to turn back .. but as she pushes through the alleyways, not always willingly or deliberately, she finds herself in other worlds and answers to the challenges she was facing. I’m in one of those alleyways right now — what would be called a ‘red alert Tricksy Lane’ in the book. The air is being sucked out of my lungs and my world is squeezing tight. I feel like I’m in the Garbage Contractor aboard the Death Star in the Star Wars movie. This is the eye of the needle. This is where the magic happens.
I’ll continue to breathe and take the baby steps I’ve set out for today, as I navigate this Tricksy Lane into my brave new world.
See you on the other side.
*I was referring to my original title ‘Feeling it releases it’ and the ‘releases it’ part ..
