Lesson #60: How victim thinking keeps you stuck

Stuck, confused, hopeless, helpless .. these are feelings I know well.

When you’re feeling stuck it’s hard to imagine anything else. You’ve lost control. You feel like giving up. There seems no point in anything.

Perhaps you want someone to come and make everything better .. a knight in shining armour to rescue you, a perfect job to land in your lap, some unexpected money to come out of nowhere. But this is part of the same thinking .. that something outside of you will come to your aid.

Right now the world is in a crazy state. It’s almost as if some collective unconscious has turned up the tables and sent everything into chaos. There’s been the virus, floods, fires, wars, natural and human crises .. and that’s just scratching the surface.

I watched a video today by a woman who works as a therapist and treats people who have experienced often severe trauma. What she said resonated with me and inspired this lesson.

Find your power

To change your life requires choosing to do so, and requires deep work. For most of my life (and probably still to an extent now) I gave up my power. I had learnt, in some subconscious way, that this was how I was meant to be — that is, deferring to others.

So find the part of you that is empowered, that is in charge of your life, and start there. What we have power over is ourself. Get to know yourself. Get grounded in yourself.

Yes, the planet seems on a path of rapid destruction. And doing something about this is important. But the transformation needs to happen on an individual level.

If we want to change the world the first thing we have to change is ourselves.

The problem with feeling like a victim, or calling ourselves a victim, is it becomes a vicious cycle that keeps us trapped. We need to become our own hero. We need to rescue ourselves. And this may require getting outside help — and I would even say that it most likely does require asking for help. But we must take responsibility for our healing.

As I write this it feels unfair. After all, the trauma that some people have experienced can be debilitating. But if we give up then there is no hope.

So don’t give up. Develop power over yourself. And perhaps most importantly, find what brings you joy .. and do more of that.

You’re much more powerful than you think.

Wishing you happiness and expansion.

Orly