Lesson #74: Lessons from my dad’s funeral
At the start of this year I was reading the book ‘Hero on a Mission: A path to a meaningful life’ by Donald Miller. This book describes a process of creating meaning and agency in your life, empowering you to live your best life.
One of the tools for finding your ideal path is writing a eulogy which inspires you to step into a sense of purpose and clarity.
I didn’t write his eulogy. I really never knew much about him. He was something of an enigma and I didn’t make a lot of effort either. He and I were actually a lot alike. Neither of us gave much. But so there wasn’t a lot to talk about, and almost nothing to grieve. The grieving was for the two year old who was abandoned and I’m here for her now. And now he’s gone and his spirit is in some way set free from that lifetime’s journey.
I tend to look at life like a lesson. The lessons of a lifetime. And our spirit is called to learn or repeat. Throughout life and across lifetimes.
Maybe my dad had some lessons he didn’t complete this lifetime. We all do.
And so it’s rinse and repeat.
My latest rings for a while have been:
‘BE HERE NOW’
Conscious breath brings us into the moment.
It is is this moment that we can choose to change any pattern we have created.
Anyway .. I went a bit off track. Same as I did in church.
But one thing I’m grateful for. I learned to open up, to share, to be vulnerable, to connect. My dad stayed mostly closed. He was a closed book and in his holding back he missed out on much of the joys of life.
He stayed in his comfort zone. And I wish I would have missed him more, but I need memories to connect with him. And I guess I always learned to be aloof with him. To expect nothing and never be disappointed.
All in all .. the situation could be simply summed up by:
A type 5 father
with avoidant attachment
and possible aspergers autism
who got involved and had children with three woman who weren’t right for him
Until he found someone who had finished her children
And could focus on him.
This is a work in progress .. but I will publish it now for clarity.