The Witness*
January 12 2021
Eight years since Ian died
Waking up to strange dreams
A group of us in Bellingen
The ‘rescuers’ taking over
This ‘rescuer’ dynamic is toxic
Or at least unpleasant
It creates a victim
Fuck that
It’s the pattern I grew up in
Learning to give up my power
In exchange for being rescued
This victim creation .. the helpless, hopeless, confused,
Defenceless, surrendered creature
Was the result
Reliant on my captor for help and support
Until I broke free on my own
But I still couldn’t function
In ‘normal’ circumstances
I’m seeing it more and more clearly
But I’m getting stronger
The rescuers can take their big capacity
They can take their desire to jump in
They can take their bullying tactics
Disguised as love
But the love is not love
It’s an unconscious pattern
A desire to receive love
